With each type of problem person, prayer is a key. God has brought the person to your group for a reason, and it might be to help you grow as a disciple and a leader. Pray for the person, ask for wisdom to handle the situation, and invite God to show you what you need to learn from this challenge.
The ‘Sherman Tank’
· Take the initiative to protect the group.
· Sit next to this strong person.
· Interrupt with, “Not all of us feel that way.”
· Stand up to the person in private.
· Channel the person’s strengths into appropriate ministry, either in the group or in the congregation.
The ‘Space Cadet’
· Do not put them in key leadership positions.
· Do tap their creativity.
· Listen to their ideas.
· Do not evaluate your leadership by their response.
The ‘Volcano’
· When they explode, ask them to leave the meeting.
· Remain calm and ask them to sit down.
· Listen. Minimize the tension by asking for details that explain the problem. But do not let the person’s anger dominate the group’s energy.
· Outside the group, help the person see how anger comes across to others. Invite them to view the group as a place to practice better relational patterns.
The ‘Baby’
· Counter all of their negatives with positives.
· Do not reward pouting. Your silence can imply agreement.
· Be honest and direct. Teach them that moodiness is a choice.
· Activate the person’s strengths by helping them find ways to serve, either in the group or in the congregation.
· If all else fails, remember that two can play the victim game. After your baby whines, “out-baby” the person with a preposterous concern such as: “Wow. With all that crisis, we need to pray that you survive our meeting without a nervous breakdown. What is your doctor’s phone number, just in case?” A playful spirit can gently expose the silliness of the person’s anxieties.
The ‘Skunk’
· Always consuming the group’s energy with the crisis of the week.
· Handle like the ‘baby.’
The ‘Gossip’
· Talk one on one.
· Ask them why they shared this information. Remind them of the group covenant to keep discussions confidential.
· Give them a chance to confess and make things right with the group.
· Extend grace to them and invite them to stay in the group.
· If problems continue, talk to a church leader about dismissing the person from the group.
You might call your problem people EGR’s – Extra Grace Required! With each one, remember that you are also an EGR, and God has been gracious in giving you the extra grace you need. EGR's give the group a chance to demonstrate self-sacrificing love like Jesus did.